so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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