I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
