Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think your dad took our porno
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
