My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
