hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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