bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
