you guys were way drunker than both of me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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