Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
