Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
