if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
