I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
