If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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