grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
