My friends, they love my intelligence
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
