I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
