i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
