I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
