Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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