Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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