Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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