Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
