I wish my penis had an off switch
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
there is glitter all over my balls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
