fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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