Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All the doctor said was why
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
