I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
