Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
