I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
