sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
