theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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