then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
