so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is my gift to your gina
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
