I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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