What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
