After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
