i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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