I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
