Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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