So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
