i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
