You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
