Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
