Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
