Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What drink are we having for lunch?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
