Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
