I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
