bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
