I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
