I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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