If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
