fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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