actually, I'm a sock model
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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