I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
