I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm jealous of your bromance
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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