New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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