i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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