Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
