whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
