i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
