Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
