idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
